Happy Mother's Day!

MV's sweet teacher gave all the Moms in her class a special treat last week for Mother's Day! The kids sang in chapel and put on a skit about the fruit of the Spirit, highlighting what they have learned this year, but then she threw an extra special Brunch for the Moms in the classroom. We were lead to our child's desk where we were greeted with a card, flower and other things our child had made. I just had to read the front of MV's card for the tears to begin freely flowing from my eyes.

Man, I don't deserve that! I was humbled to tears. Do I present a noble character in front of my children? I can honestly and humbly answer no. A short and quick self-check of my character reveals to me that the same things I try to teach my children, I struggle with myself. I get mad at them for yelling and fighting so much, but my response if often one of anger, not of gentleness. For the past few months I have been trying to work on my gentleness. Much to my disappointment it doesn't come easily.

You see, when Robbie and I first got married, we attended a marriage conference where we took a personality test. All the personalities were animals. I don't remember all of the animals; I hardly even remember the conference. But I do remember the animal that my test revealed . . . and the animal that I wanted to be. I am a lion, a fierce, mean lion. I was so upset about this animal test (internally upset at least). I didn't want to be a lion. I didn't even think I was a lion. I wanted to be a German Shepherd - sweet, loyal and GENTLE. I even had other people ask me what my personality was and they were surprised. "I thought for sure you would be a German Shepherd," was always the response. So why was I a lion? If I didn't think I was and no one else thought I was, could this test be wrong?

I took me awhile to realize that the test was not wrong. Instead, I had hidden sin inside my heart that would only be revealed by the tough, long days that come from raising children. I used to think I was patient, but it only takes one child committing the same offense 2-3 times to realize that I am not patient. I used to think I was gentle, but it doesn't take much to make me react in anger. Like when I have asked for the kids to help me fold clothes or pick-up their room only to find them time after time aggravating each other and not doing their responsibilities. Scripture is ever presenting mothers as gentle (I Thess. 2:7 for example) and that's what I want to be. It is the desire of my heart.

So, what's the problem? Is it the kids not doing as they are told or is it me, not doing as I have been told in Scripture? I can put on the gentle face in public or when we are in the company of others, but my kids know the real me. My husband certainly does! God has told me how to act and live and treat others. But the lion inside of me keeps getting loose. I thought he was supposed to die when I received the Holy Spirit? I want him to die. Now, I know that each and every day I have to "die" to myself, I sure preach that enough to my kids! But, I thought it would get easier as I matured in my faith. Instead, it keeps getting tougher for some reason. And I think the reason is because I have yet to be refined.

So, I am thankful for the tough times parenting throws my way. Parenting is both exceedingly fun and exceedingly hard at the same time. I have so much to learn, but my constant prayer is that God would take this heart of a lion and exchange it for a heart of gentleness. Have you ever stopped in the middle of getting on to your child and thought "I wonder what my face looks like right now? It can't be pretty." Anger is not pretty, it's ugly. Gentleness is beautiful! I want my face to reflect the beauty of God, especially when my children need correction. I want to present a "noble character" for them for the glory of God. So, today, I am humbled to my knees, begging God to change me, refine me, sactify me this day and every day that he blesses me with the breath of life!

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment. . . Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

I Peter 3:3-4