Sleep Overs

For those of you who know us, you probably know that we don't "do" sleep overs. You might even wonder why we don't "do" sleep overs. Even if you didn't wonder, I thought it might be good food for thought to explain! We have several reasons for not wanting our children to spend the night at other people's houses but it's hard to put a top reason for this decision. They are all so important to us, that I can't figure out which one is the most important. So, here they are in no particular order!

#1 - We value this time when our children are so very impressionable and we want to be the main influences in their lives right now. We think friendships are important, but not nearly as important as the bonds they are forming within their family. We want to foster the sibling friendships and use the time over the weekends to have special family sleepovers in our room. When the kids first started asking if they could sleep with us, we usually said no because it meant that no one would get a good nights sleep. Then, we came up with the alternative that they could "camp out" on the floor once or twice a month and watch a movie in our room, while sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor. It dawned on us one day not too many months ago that our children won't always want to sleep with us. There will come a time when they think they are too cool or too old for snuggling in bed with us, so why not take advantage of this time and really have fun with just us, our family "sleeping over" together.

#2 - There are very few people, I'm talking one or two, that we know intimately enough to trust what goes on in their home while our children are away from us. All it takes is one time of "accidentally" looking at pornography at someone else's house or a brother or father or neighbor saying something inappropriate, or a TV on with something we would not approve of (which is almost anything that comes on cable TV) or any host of other inappropriate behaviors that could occur. When my children are sleeping, especially, I want to know that they are safe. That no harm will come to them in as much as I can control it. It's a sad fact that we have to be proactive against child predators or images or language today. But we do. And our idea of "safe" images or language probably differs largely from many other Christian families. I know that there will come a day when our children are armed and ready to embrace our family values and boundaries, but for now, that is our job as their parents to protect them from dangers they don't even know exist.

#3 - Do you remember what you did as a kid during sleepovers? Oh, even from the 4th and 5th grade I can remember talking about boys and who I was going to marry and what the names of my children where going to be! We would take walks to "see" boys and prank call boys and play those silly games Like MAD (is that right??) where you choose what kind of car you will drive, who you want to marry, how many kids you want, what kind of house you wanted to live in and so forth. We don’t want to “awaken love’ before it’s time in our children and we sure don’t want them to awaken that desire in a raw moment when they are looking for acceptance in friendships at a sleepover.

Once I was older, like Junior High (yeah - it used to be called that!), we had some "innocent fun" like rolling yards (No TPing - I never got that until Robbie explained it a few years ago), sneaking out the house at night, and walking down country roads with our shirts off. Yep, we did. And probably the worst, was talking so badly about other girls and "sowing discord" amoung friendships. Sure, you could say I turned out alright in spite of sleepovers, but the goal for us is not to have our kids "turn out alright". We want them to know Jesus and live for Him, even in their free time with friends. And children don'tjust "know" how to discern right from wrong. We have to teach them and pray for the Holy Spirit to indwell in them and guide them.

Maybe these things won't happen in 2nd grade or 4th grade (though they did for me), but when do you pull in reigns? After you have already allowed the privilege? We prefer to use this time to train our children. We love for friends to come over and play so that we can help them know what is appropriate and what isn't. But with sleepovers, too much time is spent away from parental supervision. And, honestly, we believe that "foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child" (Prov. 22:15) and foolishness loves the cover of darkness.

#4. If we allow our kids to sleep over at the 1 or 2 peoples' homes, how do you explain to the other parents that don't know or won't let our children go to their homes? This is a touchy subject and one we feel our children should be shielded from. They should not have to explain to friends that they are only allowed to go to so&so's house and not yours. It's just easier all around if we just say no to everyone and stick with having fun during the day when Mom and Dad are awake!

We believe that not only is it a good thing to "shelter" and "protect' our children, it is our job. We shelter them from physical pain and tell them not to touch fire. Mama Bear steps in when my kids get picked on and we want to protect them from bullies, so why do we think it is a bad thing to protect our children from the desires of the world? Or from the dangers of "practicing" love as children? Or from the unforseen dangers of the internet? But, with sheltering and protecting comes teaching and training. As our children get older, we teach them that the fire is hot and it can burn you. We teach them what steps to take when faced with a bully. And, we will teach them the reasons we don't do sleepovers, in an age appropriate way. That's our job, our high calling as parents to these 5 growing arrows!

Now you know!